The current tabloidian adventures of Justin Bieber and One Direction have had me thinking about teen idols recently. Because I decided to scribble about some of the bad music that’s out there as well as the good, I was researching 1D and Bieber and You Tube and saw their fans (“Beliebers” and “Directioners”, respectfully…though neither of those terms are actual English, so I regret using the word “respectfully”) writing delusional statements about the wealth of talent both of these acts have, seemingly unaware that these things go on a cycle.
Now, when I was growing up, my father encouraged me to listen to vastly different styles of music, and ever since the advent of the Power Rangers I had been obsessive over the things I loved. So it was only natural that the music I listened to would follow suit, and because I was obsessive over music I was able to identify that, actually, boy bands didn’t last that long. And neither did teenaged singers. Oh, they were exceptions, and we’ll look at those within this piece too. I also knew they sucked arse. Again - exceptions.
So, let’s take a journey through the changing fortunes of the teen idol, starting with the first TRUE teen idol of the rock & roll era.
1950’s
Sure,
Elvis was a teen idol. But he was different to the teen idols of today, in a variety of different ways. No, the modern teen idol was probably born with
Frankie Lymon. Lymon fronted a group called
The Teenagers, with whom, at aged just 13 years old, he co-wrote and recorded his first and biggest hit,
Why Do Fools Fall In Love? The song has become one of the anthems of the era. If there is a film that is set 1956, you best believe this song is on the soundtrack.
Because they were so young, Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers inspired kids of their own generation into performing. People like;
The Temptations, Diana Ross, The Beach Boys…in fact, Motown founder Berry Gordy based the set up of the
Jackson 5 on Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers. Lymon also did a lot for the civil rights for a spur of the moment decision that caused a scandal; he danced with a white girl (GASP!). He did it on DJ Alan Freed’s TV Show
The Big Beat and caused such an outrage that the show was cancelled.
Frankie didn’t have many hits after his voice broke, and he died of a Heroin overdose in 1968. But in his time, everyone was in agreement; Frankie was the man. And, directly or indirectly, Lymon’s DNA is in every single teen idol who followed.
1960’s
The main anomalies to the teen idols rule of “a few good years” do actually appear in the 1960’s. This is a decade where
The Beatles and the Rolling Stones began as bands that girls would scream at (yes, there was a time when people used to scream at Mick Jagger without adding the phrase “help, it’s coming towards me”). And yet both The Beatles and the Stones eventually became two of the most creative bands in
Motown started the idea that you could have an organisation that created the perfect artists, teaching them how to dress, how to act, how to sing, how to do interviews, how to dance, how to sit. Needless to say, it was a success and became some of the most influential music of all time. I’m a Motown buff myself, so I wanna just take this opportunity to blast some Motown in your zeusdamn faces.
Then there was
The Monkees, particularly
Davey Jones. Jones was the charming British guy in the front. And they were probably the first significant case of a boy band being put together. Mainly because they weren’t a real band. The groups at Motown weren’t put together, they were all pre-existing acts who auditioned for Berry Gordy. But, The Monkees was a TV show about a band. Initially, the Monkees didn’t even play their own instruments. They fought for the right to do that by the end, and completely alienated their screaming teenage fans with the fuckin’ weird movie
Head (apparently titled as such in case they made a second film, so they could say on the billboard “From the people who gave you Head”). But their success endured. In future, it would be the rule that boy bands would be “put together”, rather than be a group of kids who had known each other since they were in school.
1970’s
The 1970’s was teen idol galore. The decade started with the first real boy band as we know them today,
The Jackson 5. They were followed closely by
The Osmonds. There was also
David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman and, rounding off the decade,
Leif Garrett. It was really a golden time for pretty boys who sang bland songs. The main exception to that rule is the Jackson 5 hits which were brimming with energy, not to mention Michael Jackson‘s surprisingly heartfelt vocals. It‘s odd that some of Jackson‘s most soulful vocal performances were when he was aged 10 years old. Listen to a song like
I’ll Be There…
A kid of 10 years old can’t truly understand what he’s singing about in that song. But you believe every word coming out of his mouth. And the song itself is more sophisticated than anything someone like Leif Garrett ever did. But then they had the Motown staff writers at their beck and call, so it’s hardly surprising.
Sherman and Cassidy both came from TV. Notably Cassidy was the star and pin up of
The Partridge Family, about a singing family of ninnies who have limited talent but decide to form a creepy band anyway, and somehow managed to forge a career in pop on the back of this. He also marks the first really significant case of a teen idol acting explicitly acting out against his image. Midway through the run of
The Partridge Family, Cassidy appeared naked on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine and talked openly about his drug use, amongst other things and purposely destroyed his goody two shoes image (a la
Miley Cyrus).
Over in the UK, the most notable teen idols were the
Bay City Rollers. You know, these guys…
Yeah. That ain’t no Jackson 5 song.
But the hysteria following the Bay City Rollers was as rabid as the following
Justin Bieber gets today…as seen from around 4 minutes into this video…
The last teen idol of the decade was probably Leif Garrett.
Here’s the gist of Leif’s life since…
1980’s
The 80s was an odd decade for teen idols. Those of the 70s grew up and went into rehab, with the exception of
Michael Jackson who became the biggest star in the world and was probably the only true example of a child star making a successful transition into being an adult artist (though, calling MJ an “adult” is pretty liberal use of the word).
Most of the teen idols of the 80s were movie stars;
the Two Coreys, the Brat Pack, River Phoenix. It wasn’t until the end of the decade when pretty boy singers returned. And when they did the format was down. Well and truly. They cut the fat off. They took the Motown ideology of teaching the artists how to dress, how to sing, how to do interviews etc. Basically, carving an image out for them. There are differences, though; part of the reason for Motown was to bring black artists to a white audience. And in the 80s they forgot to write decent songs (a trend which would, sadly, continue). And they forgot to get a great house band to record the great music behind it. And they forgot to get people with charismatic voices. Basically, they failed at every other fundamental level. So long as it was a pretty boy, why should they give a fuck what the music was like.
Bros are probably the best example. This is a song of theirs called
Drop The Boy.
It’s really shit. What the hell is wrong with
Matt Goss’ voice? He sounds like he’s constipated and trying really hard to push it out. It’s got shitty 80s production. The video is full of weird shots (what’s so special about Matt Goss’ belt that it warranted a close up?). And the song itself? What the fuck is going on there? It sounds like it’s trying to be catchy, but just fails.
And yet Bros were massive. Like,
One Direction massive. Like, selling out Wembley Stadium massive.
But the party ended. Because the kids grew up and thought “wow…this is really shit”.
1990s
Now we’re just going around in circles. Both the UK and the US had their own boy band wars in this decade. The US had
New Kids On The Block, The Backstreet Boys, *Nsync…the UK had boy bands that weren’t popular in America (
Take That, Boyzone, Westlife, 5ive).
The main difference in the 90s is that it was really the first time that there was an influx of female teen idols, of which there had been quite a lack of previously; the
Spice Girls, All Saints, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera. All of whom pretty much sucked as hard as all the boys, if not harder (phwooaaarrr…bloody hell!).
And they too were on the conveyor belt. Many of them, in fact, by a very particular conveyor belt owned by a very particular commercial behemoth;
Disney. This would continue into the 2000s with
Miley Cyrus and her ilk…but these guys and gals were the first to really feel this sting. You see, just about everyone owned by Disney went hit the skids at some point. We all saw Miley at the VMAs a few weeks ago…but Britney and Christina also went through what I now like to call “pulling a Cassidy”. Like David’s nude Rolling Stone cover designed to shake off his goody two shoes teen idol image, the gals started grinding, stripping off and getting dirrrrrty to look grown up (though, of course, that is a teenager’s idea of what being “grown up” is). They get so controlled under the corporation rule that they act out when they break free.
2000s-Today
The major difference between the last couple of decades and the current crop is that we now see the conveyor belt played out before our eyes. We see the horror, we see the mechanisms that go on behind the scenes because of TV shows like
X Factor and even You Tube. Think about who the two biggest teen idols are of today. Did you think of
One Direction and
Justin Bieber? One came from
X Factor and the other from You Tube.
One Direction in particular are interesting. Because of the interweb, the idiocies coming from their fans’ mouths are being plastered all over the place. It’s pretty interesting to see the cycle hasn’t been broken at all. The only difference is that, where in the past a Bros fan might threaten somebody who disliked Bros only amongst other Bros fans, “Directioners” are able to tweet the person in question, which means their stupidity is there for the world to see.
For example…remember that Channel 4 documentary that was on about 1D fans the other week…?
Well, here’s a clip from a similar documentary about
Bros fans that was made in their day. I say “similar”, I mean the only things that are different are the fashions and the group in question. The rest of it is I-fucking-dentical…
They also forgot to give the members of 1D distinctive personalities. You really can’t tell them apart. They all seem to have the exact same sense of humour, their voices are very similar, at least two of them have the same hairstyle. It makes the shortened “1D” name quite appropriate, because they are, indeed, very one dimensional. You can tell the
Monkees apart. They had different fucking hairstyles for a start. And
Mike Nesmith wore a hat.
So…what about their future? If you’ve read this far down, you really don’t need to ask.
The thing that has really changed is that it is in no way about the music anymore. There was a point when it was.
Frankie Lymon was about his music and performance (and bigamy, but this ain't the place to discuss that), Motown took time to perfect the records,
The Beatles and
The Stones are two of the greatest bands who ever lived. Hell, even
David Cassidy and
Leif Garrett were trying to branch out into more artistic territory when the novelty started wearing off. But since the capitalist culture of the 80s, it’s not been about that at all. Hence, 30 years of just completely shit teen idols that the kids hold no affection for as they grow older outside of basic nostalgia.
Young people interested in music still hear Motown records and say “that’s cool”. Nobody does it for Bros.
