PARALLEL UNIVERSE: Bruce Springsteen Vs Billy Squier

Y’all know this, right?



It is, of course, Bruce Springsteen’s Dancing In The Dark, the breakthrough hit on The Boss’ mega successful 1984 album Born In The USA. Much if the reason for the song’s success was that it was Springsteen’s first proper video, which propelled this guy in his mid-30s into 1980s MTV cool and also kickstarted the career of future Friends star Courtney Cox (and disproves the Friends theory that Monica was fat in the 80s).

Although not one of his best songs and completely out of character for him (in fact, the lyrics of the song are about Springsteen being unable to write the song he was in the middle of writing) - especially considering it directly followed the dark, brooding Nebraska album - it’s hard to deny that it helped The Boss become one of the musical icons of the era.

But it could have gone another way.

This is one of the takes of the original concept of the video. And, though the released video has it’s fair share of 80s cheese, you ain’t seen nothing’ yet…



White men can’t dance.

Although Springsteen’s dancing at the end of the video that became an instant MTV hit may have been hilarious enough to inspire the infamous Carlton Banks dance from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (seriously, look it up!), at least he didn’t look like he was having some kind of mental breakdown in it. He looks so uncomfortable, so unnatural. Just because Michael Jackson’s videos were popular with dance sequences in them at the time, doesn’t mean yours will be. At least Clarence Clemons is cool at the end.

In the unlikely event that there is such a thing as a parallel universe, this embarrassing video was likely released, and did damage to Springsteen‘s career and reputation (which, at that point, was pretty flawless).

And if that is the case, it’s pretty safe to say this one WASN’T released.

Billy Squier was making quite a bit of noise in the mid-80s. Each album was bigger than the last. Then this came along…1984’s Rock Me Tonite…



The blatant homoeroticism didn’t go down well with the rock crowd. Unfortunately for the human race, that kind of thing mattered in those days (although nobody seems to mind the extortionate campness of Kiss’ Paul Stanley).

The lying (presumably) naked in pink satin sheets, the pink vest, the ripping his shirt off, the dancing around the room, the writhing around the floor, the apparent orgasm…? What the fuck? And why is it that everybody in the 80s felt the need to DANCE? And I don’t mean just dance, I mean full-on Flashdance. What on Earth is he doing? Although the song was a hit, as the subsequent tour went on and the video was seen more and more, attendance each night slipped.

The end of the video, which shows Squier simply playing with his band on a soundstage, is fine. A bit of 80s cheese, but nothing that anybody would have noticed. Why not just recut the video and make it all THAT? Surely, they watched this back and though “maybe not”.

Had the video not been released…who knows? Maybe Squier would be more fondly remembered, and not just as the guy who made all of middle America say;

RockDocs: Super Duper Alice Cooper

There has already been an “official” Alice Cooper documentary. It’s called Prime Cuts, and was released on VHS in the early 90s. However, although it was labelled a documentary, it wasn’t really. It was basically akin to an ITV clip show, except it didn't have pointless talking heads from people on other ITV shows.

So, now we have this - Super Duper Alice Cooper, from the people who brought you such acclaimed films as Rush: Beyond The Lighted Stage, Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey and the excellent TV documentary series Metal Evolution.



I attended the “one night only” cinema screening of the film last night. So I haven’t had long to digest it yet, but here we go anyway…

First of all, I do take slight issue with the press release which proclaims this to be the first ever “doc opera”, due to the presentation style which is actually just a re-imagining of the 2009 film American: The Bill Hicks Story. But with a more prominent soundtrack. I guess I can’t blame them for hyping it a little, but on the other hand I can and will. It is a cool style, though, and it does manage to keep an air of mystery about the Alice Cooper mythos, despite being told everything as we go along. Rather than having the usual talking head inserts, the whole film is told with a mixture of animation, clips, photographs, and some parts are illustrated with old horror movies.

Unlike Prime Cuts, the focus here is very much on story rather than music. It chronicles less of Alice’s career, but more of his life. His formative years are told pretty well, but perhaps goes on a little long. As a narrative, it really takes off when The Spiders (as the band were then called) go to LA. That’s where they meet Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa etc. It’s also where they finally adopt the Alice Cooper persona and start writing in that style. Badly.

But, as a band, things don’t take off until they go back to Detroit. The creators of shock rock, they’re the most hated band in LA. The hippies of the flower power generation didn’t like a scary bunch of motherfuckers interrupting their acid trip. But in Detroit they find a home with The Stooges and the MC5 as their contemporaries. From here, they go from success to success, doing something nobody had ever seen before. But then the wheels come off as the Alice Cooper band are shoved aside for the Alice Cooper character.

The difference between Alice Cooper and his creator, Vincent Furnier, is referenced throughout with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde being used as a motif. Footage from a silent movie adaptation of Jekyll and Hyde is played often, the metaphor presumably being that the potion Vincent Furnier drank to become Alice Cooper was alcohol. The concept works, especially given the macabre imagery Coop has used throughout his career. They all fit the classic Alice Cooper iconography and tell you about the genesis of the character without having to explain in to you like you‘re a total bonehead (they leave that type of thing to ITV, thank you very much).

As the film continues - and the original band breaks up - less emphasis is put on Alice’s career and more on his deepening substance abuse. At first, his only vice is alcohol. He is treated for that in a mental institution (why not?). When he gets out, he decided to replace alcohol with cocaine (why not?). Then, he starts freebasing (why not?).

Now, I have read many interviews with Cooper and watched quite a few documentaries and TV pieces on him, and I never recall this information being used before. In fact, from what I have seen Alice has implied over the years that the only vice he ever indulged in was alcohol. In fact, the only time I recall it even been suggested in passing was a brief line in the Motley Crue book The Dirt. So, this was kind of new information for me. And I do consider myself a fan of Coop’s, so I found it weirdly refreshing, and it especially explains his gaunt appearance at the time, and preferable to hearing him re-count the infamous chicken story for the forty four billionth time.

Oh, yes…we do get it, by the way. This is the story Alice tells on every single talk show he is ever on. I am SICK TO SHITE of this story. I knew it would be in there. But after the screening of the film, there was a Q&A with him…and he told the fucking story AGAIN. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

If you don’t know the story, here it is being told to that great rock n roller, Bill Oddie...



The film ends with his (sober) comeback in the late 80s. Although it may seem like an odd cut off point, the film wouldn’t have really worked going beyond that. It was probably the last truly commercially successful period in his career and ends the film on a high note. As interested as I, as a fan, may be in latter day albums like Brutal Planet and The Eyes of Alice Cooper, they don’t really fit in with the story that has been told.

As with most rockumentaries, there is barely a critical word uttered. I guess that’s to be expected, but it wouldn’t have gone amiss when discussing the early 1980s, when Alice was making albums that he claims he was too wasted to have any recollection of recording. Rather than admit that he made some under par records, they simply gloss over it. Which is a shame, because he was scary as fuck in that period;



The only major criticism I have as a fan is that there isn’t much discussing Cooper’s music. Although his influence has perhaps been more visual than musical, this means the strength and eclecticism of his back catalogue is often forgotten. Bob Dylan agrees (he told Rolling Stone in the late 70s that Cooper is “an overlooked songwriter”). The film sort of inaccurately reinforces that, spending a lot more time focusing on the stage antics than the band probably did.

Out of the peers and famous fans interviewed, there isn’t really anyone surprising and nearly all from hard rock/punk (Iggy Pop and Dee Snider show up, and John Lydon predictably comes across as an utter twat. Again. Can‘t stand that tosser). If you’re going to reinforce the influence of the stage act, why not mention the influence he had upon other genres? Adam Ant? Boy George? Lady Ga Ga? All confessed fans and admirers and not hard rock acts. Hell, Michael Jackson stole so many aspects of Coop’s stage act that he should really be called out for it. A pre-Ziggy Stardust David Bowie was supposedly at Alice’s first UK shows. That’s huge. And Penn Jilette (of magicians Penn & Teller) claims that he counts Alice Cooper as the first “magic” show he ever saw that he actually enjoyed. I really think they missed a trick there.

Also - as an atheist - I find it difficult to swallow Alice’s “God saved me/it was a miracle” schtick when talking about his alcohol/cocaine recovery (if it was a miracle, why did you fall into cocaine abuse when you recovered from your alcoholism? Answer that one, Coop).

However, all in all, it is an interesting and fun watch. It does show where Alice went right where other similar artists didn’t; the satire, the smart humour and willingness to change with the times is the thing that bands that followed in a similar fashion, such as KISS or Marylin Manson, were greatly missing. The Alice Cooper show was as funny as it was scary, and that is made abundantly clear. Overall, it does it’s job - I went home and listened to Billion Dollar Babies.

RockDocs: Color Me Obsessed - A Film About The Replacements

The notion of making a documentary on a band without using any of their music, footage, album covers or even pictures seems ludicrous. But, then, The Replacements were a ludicrous band. Their mystique has maintained in all this time, stories continue to circulate in an “I was there when…” fashion. They were the best band in the world. They were the worst band in the world. You either got it, or you didn’t. So why spoil it now?



The opening credits reveal that this “a potentially true story”, and proceeds in a ramshackle way. The only remotely musical thing that you hear is feedback. But it works. The Replacements, and front man/chief songwriter Paul Westerberg in particular, are notoriously difficult in allowing their music to be used on any old shit. Thus, it is unclear whether the film was designed in this way, or if rights to the band’s catalogue were impossible to secure. Director Gorman Bechard insists it was designed this way. But it is typical of The Replacements that a documentary on them would not feature them at all.

This is the ultimate band of misfits (except maybe The Misfits). A “fuck you” attitude to everybody. They were one of only five bands banned from Saturday Night Live, and the only one banned for their backstage antics (given that this is a show built by out-of-control addicts, that’s quite an achievement). It wasn’t unheard of for them to end shows by literally physically fighting on stage. They had songs as painful and beautiful as Here Comes a Regular and Unsatisfied, with songs like Gary’s Got a Boner and Dope Smoking Moron providing ample juxtaposition. Their first major music video for the MTV generation featured just four straight minutes of a close-up of a speaker, with each and every video from that album being exactly the same (although, one of them was in colour). And that’s just what happened publicly.

Their spectre looms large throughout, as fans - both famous and not (including, bizarrely, Norm from Cheers)- spin stories. They almost become mythical, as fables and Chinese whispers (is that racist? I don’t know) come thick and fast; Tommy Stinson dropped out of high school by going into the headmasters office and blasting the Stink track Fuck School from a cassette player. Bob Stinson once played an entire show in a bin, which fell over during a guitar solo. They once played a sober show of all their own material that was technically very good, and it was considered one of their worst shows. Are these stories true? “Potentially”.

And all of those stories are great. They really are. They’re entertaining and funny and shocking and all the rest of it. But, the heart and soul of the movie comes from the personal experiences of the fans. The most emotional point comes from a group of fans discussing the impact the band’s songs had on their lives as teenagers. Teenagers who didn’t fit in, teenagers who were outcasts. Westerberg’s constant lyrical tightrope walk between the pain that one can feel in those situations, and the humour he can’t help but bring to the party, struck a chord with everyone who “got” The Replacements. Unsatisfied from Let It Be (yes, they had the balls to call an album Let It Be) is referenced as one of their finest, and the lyrics to that one seem particularly apt to someone of that age;

Look me in the eye
Then tell me that I’m satisfied
Was you satisfied?

Before reaching a jaded age of kids, a mortgage and responsibility, that’s a question of most people’s minds. Add that to Westerberg’s delivery of sheer pain, which makes Mick Jagger sound positively satisfied.



Something else that strikes you is the differing opinions of everybody interviewed; The Gaslight Anthem’s Brian Fallon says that everything you love about alternative bands today is in “an album called Tim”. Somebody else thinks Tim sucks. Some say they lost it after Bob Stinson was fired, others say their first without him, Pleased To Meet Me, was their best album. Some hate that they added horns to Can’t Hardly Wait, others are offended that people didn’t know enough about rock ‘n’ roll to not expect horns on Can’t Hardly Wait. It all adds to the interest in a band who don’t care…but they kind of do care…but, fuck it, they don’t care.

The film stretches their formation, as a band formed solely to keep troubled kid Tommy out of trouble, to their onstage break up in Chicago in 1991, where towards the end of the gig, one by one, The Replacements were “replaced” by their roadies, told entirely through the eyes of fans and is possibly the best illustration of the band I have ever come across, including their records (which don’t prepare you for their shambolically brilliant live shows.

The one negative I would say is that the ending goes on a bit. As summaries and conclusions go, I think 15 minutes or so is a little too long.

If you know nothing about The ‘Mats, this may sometimes be difficult to follow. For example, discussing the front covers to Let It Be and Tim without seeing them renders the discussion moot to many. However, even for those people, the passion of those interviewed is often a heartwarming, particularly if there’s ever a band you have loved like a friend or family member. And if you don’t know much about them and you see the film…hey, you might be inspired to go check them out. If you love The ‘Mats, you’ll be digging out Hootenanny immediately after.

It's difficult to make a documentary on a band without using their music without it coming across as something from the Bio channel or E! But Bechard has pulled it off.

RockDocs: Michael Jackson - The Life Of An Icon

David Gest knew Michael Jackson. You probably already knew that, because he tells you every time he is on TV. He’ll break out an anecdote or just casually mention a time he just happened to be around. He also knows Tito.

I saw Gests’ Legends of Soul tour earlier this year. Wasn’t the best of line-ups, but Doo Wop legend Little Anthony did his first ever UK performances and Dennis Edwards - the last surviving classic Temptations lead singer - also performed. It was kinda cool when Gest wasn’t on stage. I played a game to pass the time during his lame attempts at comedy. “Let’s See How Long It Takes Him To Mention Michael Jackson”. If you are wondering: it was 45 minutes. Longer than I expected.

Gests’ masterpiece of “I knew Michael Jackson”-ness is his 2011 documentary Michael Jackson: The Life of an Icon. It got quite a large release, has deluxe packaging and runs for over 2 ½ hours. It’s gonna be epic, right?

No.



I literally JUST watched this (on Netflix, I didn’t buy it…I have standards). It is without a doubt the weirdest “official” documentary I have ever seen on musician. It comes across more as an E! True Hollywood Story-type thing. The biggest accomplishments of Jackson’s career are glossed over, whilst minor details are magnified analysed. Remember when the Jackson 5 did a disco-flavoured cover of the Supremes song Forever Came Today? Me neither. But Motown songwriter Lamont Dozier does (even though nobody mentions it was originally a Supremes song), and he would like to talk about it. At great length. How it was written, why it was written. Michael liked it too, and that’s why they recorded it. And the brothers all performed brilliantly on it. Oh, and by the way, Off The Wall was released in 1979.

Over an hour of the 2 ½ hour length are spent on the Jackson 5 years at Motown. It is very thorough, although it doesn’t quite talk to many people who were there - and Bobby Taylor who was one of the people who takes credit for the Jackson 5 seems to take way more credit than he really should. There are many clips of Jackson 5 performances (although none of the really famous ones), a lot of rare photographs that don’t seem to match the era they’re talking about; many photographs that are clearly Motown publicity pictures are used to illustrate the Jackson kids on the Chitlin circuit or at home in Gary, Indiana. Excuses are made for Jackson’s abusive father, Joseph, presumably because Gest is still a friend of the family and doesn’t want to upset anyone.

Then they leave Motown (an event which is for some reason soundtracked with Rockwell’s Somebody’s Watching Me), and then there is NO music from Jackson, either solo or with his brothers. No album covers, no official publicity shots. You see, the film was released by Universal, who now own Motown. My guess is they couldn’t - or couldn’t be bothered to - get the licensing for Jackson’s Sony archives. So, for example, Off The Wall is dealt with in a matter of seconds, the monster success of Thriller is glossed over, and apparently the Bad, Dangerous, HIStory and Invincible albums just didn’t exist.

Instead, we get Gest telling us that he introduced Jackson to Petula Clark. And he introduced Jackson to Paul Anka. And that he and Jackson produced a show together at Madison Square Garden that was all HIS idea. And Jackson once went to a party at his house and threw peanuts at Gloria Gaynor. And that Liam Neeson was his neighbour (yeah, by that point, it seems he’s forgotten that this is a documentary on Michael Jackson and just started talking about himself). Then, for some reason, they interview Mickey Rooney.

The remaining hour or so of the film is spent dealing with some of the controversies in Jackson’s life, and completely ignores his output throughout the entire period. The molestation charges are dealt with surprisingly well, to be fair, if expectedly one-sided, and attention is drawn the skin disorder that you may or may not believe (judging by some of the testimonies here, it’s worth believing), Jackson’s marriages and his plastic surgery - which, again in fairness, isn’t excused as much as you might think.

But there’s interesting avenues that could have been explored, and are staring you in the face, but the question is never asked. For example, when talking about Jackson’s secret addiction to prescription medication, they hark back to Jackson’s infamous Pepsi commercial, where his hair caught fire and caused serious damage to his scalp, leading to several very painful procedures, and specify that Michael never believed he was abusing drugs because he was using prescribed medication. This is not long after talking about his marriage to Elvis Presley’s daughter, Lisa Marie. Elvis, too, didn’t believe he had a drug problem, because he was using prescription drugs. Is that not an interesting parallel that is worth exploring about the dangers of extreme fame? No, apparently Whitney Houston wants to talk about Bubbles the Chimp sucking her toe in Michael’s kitchen.

There’s also some stuff that made me cringe a lot. Firstly, Jackson’s manager Frank DiLeo seems to make a bit too much of a deal about the fact that Michael “definitely wasn’t gay”. Nobody seemed to have asked the question, there is no way of knowing that this is where we were going here. He just yells it out. Why? Who cares? It’s kind of offensive that you are offended that somebody would think he was. What the fuck is wrong with being gay?

Then there’s a horribly cheesy moment at the end where Gest is sitting on a couch with Jackson’s mother. I watched it from between my fingers.

Overall, it makes me wonder how Gest made it as a producer. If this is the best he can do for someone he claims was one of his closest friends, then he really must be shit. It seems more like a tribute to himself. He even shows footage that must have been a bitch to track down, of Jackson thanking him at some awards show that Gest himself was producing (and chose Jackson personally to win that particular award). It’s an exercise in David Gest masturbating, and it’s only a little bit more unsettling than what that would literally look like. All the talking heads appear to be his “showbiz friends” who have little-to-nothing to do with the Jackson story, but Gest knows them and they’ve heard of Michael Jackson…so, fuck it, put em in there! And why is it that a man who claims to be so close to the Jackson clan not get clearance to use more footage from the Jackson archive?

All of this makes it all the more ironic when a whole section of the film is taken to have a go at people for using Jackson for their own ends.

There is a fascinating documentary to be made about Michael Jackson. His life story is too interesting, too contradictory and too widespread not to document. This ain’t it.

Until this hypothetical professional film is made, I would recommend this. This is a 100% unofficial film that was posted on YouTube. It is four hours in length, but it is extremely well executed. It’s mainly chronological, although occasionally jumps back to the lead up to Jackson’s 2005 molestation trial and doesn’t shy away from asking the difficult questions, some of which aren‘t answered and none of which are glossed over. I watched it one day when I was unemployed a year or two ago. Unlike Gests’ film, it doesn’t spend the entire duration saying Jackson was “a gift from God” or “he was the greatest entertainer who ever lived” and a “musical genius”, which is great because Jackson was none of those things (how can you possibly gauge who is the greatest entertainer who ever lived? And surely the greatest entertainer who ever lived wouldn‘t lip synch so often?).

It is very compelling, though not always comfortable viewing, and I would recommend watching it at some point if you are wanting to see a good documentary on Jackson. Kudos to the person who took the time to make this.

Arbitrary Lists: The Top 5 Absolute Worst Prince Albums

I did a post the other day about the Top 20 Best Prince (and Prince-Related) Albums. So, I thought it was only fair to redress the balance. So, here’s the Top 5 Worst Albums in Princedom. Trust me, the man may be a genius, but he’s truly been responsible for some stinkers.

Once again, these are solely based on my opinion, which makes it 100% correct…


5. 20Ten (Prince) [2010]

I’m not sure I’ve really got over the sheer level of disappointment that I greeted 20Ten with. Everybody Loves Me is probably the stupidest song he’s ever written (actually, no, that’s Purple and Gold). It’s telling that the album’s best track comes after 67 tracks of utter silence (seriously). Eventhe cover looks atrocious.

Saving grace: Beginning Endlessly, LayDown



4. Elixer (Bria Valente) [2009]

Technically, it’s not that bad, it’s just uninspired. Bria was apparently his girlfriend at the time, but she sadly lacked the charm of Vanity or Sheila E. Plus, it’s BOR-ING.

Saving grace: Another Boy


3. The Chocolate Invasion (Prince) [2004]

Released through his - for the time - revolutionary, but now sadly de-funked (see what I did there?) website, the NPG Music Club, but once again, BOR-ING. I hardly remember anything about this album. In fact, I forgot I had it.

Saving grace: U Make My Sun Shine


2. New Power Soul (New Power Generation) [1998]

Even this album’s engineer thought this was the worst album Prince ever made. I don’t, though. I think it’s…

Saving grace: The One


1. Apollonia 6 (Apollonia 6) [1984]

This one is the final album released to tie in with Purple Rain (the others being The Time’s Ice Cream Castle and, obviously, Purple Rain itself - see about those in the other list), and Prince definitely blew his load on the first two. The “big hit” on the album, the song they put in the movie and released as a single, is Sex Shooter. And, boy, does it suck. And not in the good, literal Sex Shooter kind of way. Sort of sets you up for the rest of the album.

Saving grace: Erm…the few seconds of silence at the end…?




And there you have it. Whilst we're on the subject of Prince though - and to leave on a positive note - I am liking the new, more rock n roll approach he's going for at the moment with his new band 3rdEyeGirl. They recently released a photo of the test pressing for the gatefold vinyl edition of the upcoming album PlectrumElectrum, Check it out;

ARBITRARY LISTS: Top 20 All-Time Prince (And Prince-Related) Albums

Been listening to a lotta Prince lately. Whilst doing so, I realised I hadn’t posted anything for while. So, one thing led to another and…HEY PRESTO! An arbitrary list that no-one will give a shit about.

I decided to compile a loosely accurate list of what I think are the best Prince albums, including albums where he wrote/produced/played everything on the record, and got someone else to sing over what he had already done and released it under the singer’s name (what many have determined to be his “protégés”…which I always think is a misleading name for them, because they never really had any say in what the fuck was going on).

The availability of some of these is difficult, because the Purple Midget refuses to allow a comprehensive reissue campaign of his entire catalogue.

I’ll also say that the following list is based solely on my opinion, which in turn means that it is definitely true and anyone who disagrees is an arse.

Anyhoo…let’s get this over with.

20. Planet Earth (Prince) [2007]

Given away free with the Mail on Sunday, which really should enrage me, but it is the first Prince album I got, I guess (even if I have never truly forgiven myself for getting the Mail that day). He was the first person to do that, and set off a trend of a few other artists doing the same thing. The Mail on Sunday’s circulation jumped up by around 3 million for that one day and, actually, though it’s not Prince’s most inspired album, it is pretty damn good considering most of it seems knocked off to put bums on seats for his 21 night long residency at London’s O2 arena. It worked, to be fair.

Stand-out tracks: Guitar, Somewhere Here on Earth, The One U Wanna C, Chelsea Rodgers


19. Diamonds & Pearls (Prince & The New Power Generation) [1991]

Prince’s biggest album without a corresponding movie (although there was a piss poor corresponding video collection that featured interviews with everyone but…uh…Prince). In the past, Prince had always led. Here it feels like he is following for the first time, but when it’s on…it’s still ON, my friend. The singles were pretty perfect for the time; the T. Rex-ness of Cream, the soul balladeering on the title track, the classic Prince funk-sex groove with added flute on Gett Off. Not that the album tracks were anything to sniff at; the almost Madchester Acid House sound of Live 4 Love, the breezy Strollin’. Just a shame he let his pretty piss poor NPG rapper Tony M take lead on Jughead, which is probably amongst the most embarrassing songs he’s ever written.

Stand-out tracks: Diamonds & Pearls, Cream, Strollin’, Gett Off, Money Don’t Matter 2Nite


18. The Black Album (Prince) [Recorded 1987/ Released 1994]

The reputation of The Black Album precedes it somewhat. In 1987, Prince planned to follow up his magnum opus with this dark funk bible. He had a change of heart (reasons for this differ somewhat: he became convinced the album was evil or possessed, he and Warner Brothers each reached a crisis of conscience over the album’s lyrical content, he experimented with ecstasy and had a bad trip which resulted in him having second thoughts on the album). Whatever the reason, the album was withdrawn and replaced with 1988’s much more positive Lovesexy. After this, The Black Album became widely bootlegged – so much so that it has been estimated as the most bootlegged album in recorded history. It’s official release in 1994 did much to debunk its reputation as the great lost album. Don’t get me wrong…it’s good. Very good. But there’s one too many filler tracks in there for it to be considered the album it was once considered to be.

Stand-out tracks: Le Grind, Cindy C, When 2 R In Love, Superfunkycalifragisexy


17. 8 (Madhouse) [1987]

As if to prove he could do anything (except, it seems, act), Prince decided to make an instrumental jazz album in 1987 (as you do). All the tracks were performed entirely by Prince, apart from lead sax and flute parts, which were played by longtime collaborator Eric Leeds. Prince would do further jazz-fusion experiments in the future (notably, on the Grammy-Award winning N.E.W.S in 2003), but those experiments would be much less cohesive and more meandering, compared to the first Madhouse album. Still, all of them are better than my instrumental jazz album. But, then, I recorded the whole thing on an old portable tape recorder using nothing put a can of tuna and a pair of slippers.

Stand-Out Tracks: One, Three, Six


16. Emancipation (O(+>) [1996]

The first album released after getting out of his Warner Bros contract, Emancipation is a lot to take at once. Three discs, each exactly one hour a piece and a total of 36 tracks, especially when you consider it was the third album he had released in 1996 (after Chaos & Disorder and the Girl 6 soundtrack). Obviously, with that much music, not everything is going to work, but there are many gems to be found within; Courtin’ Time is Delirious for the 90s, Get Yo Groove On is a summer jam you can throw on any given July, The Holy River is majestic in its story of his union with then-wife Mayte, brilliantly he manages to create a song around the sonogram of his unborn child (Sex In The Summer). That’s not to say there aren’t real clunkers (did he really need to record Joan Osborne’s One Of Us? Then again, did Joan Osborne really need to record it? Awful song), but it’s well worth sifting through those to get to the good stuff.

Stand-out tracks: Jam Of The Year, Get Yo Groove On, In This Bed Eye Scream, Sex In The Summer, The Holy River, The Love We Make, Emancipation


15. The Time (The Time) [1981]

Prince’s first protégés, The Time were formed when Prince commandeered frontman Morris Day’s groovy Partyup for his Dirty Mind album. In return, Prince helped Day put a band together (a band that featured of note, future superstar R&B producers Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis). For the first time, but not the last, Prince wrote, played and produced everything himself under the pseudonym Jamie Starr, with Morris Day adding his vocals later. Prince still plays Cool on stage to this day. Chilli sauce!

Stand-out tracks: Get It Up, Cool, Girl


14. Vanity 6 (Vanity 6) [1982]

One of the many Prince protégés to be not very talented, but have a certain look he liked (in this case: stripper and/or lingerie model). It’s fun to listen to, though, if not Earth-shattering. Vanity 6 were a girl group with a MPLSound twist. Hit single Nasty Girl still gets sampled quite a bit, and Vanity isn’t without charm. Prince himself duets on the trash talking If A Girl Answers (Don’t Hang Up). Vanity herself left before production started on the Purple Rain movie. Her exploits in this period are, weirdly, chronicled in The Heroin Diaries, a book by Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx. Apparently, they nearly got married (if they had, she’d have been “Vanity Sixx” again, which I’m convinced is the only reason she was going out with him).

Stand-out tracks: Nasty Girl, He’s So Dull, If a Girl Answers (Don’t Hang Up)


13. The Glamorous Life (Sheila E) [1984]

Sheila E may seem like Vanity in that she was a good looking woman without a substantial vocal talent, but Sheila was an accomplished jazz drummer, so she more than has the musical chops, and the title track of this album is a bona fide 80s classic.

Stand-out tracks: The Belle of St Mark, Neon Rendezvous, The Glamorous Life


12. O(+> (Prince & The New Power Generation) [1992]

A completely bonkers hip hop soap opera concept album thingy (many years before R. Kelly degraded the idea with Trapped In The Closet, which sounds more like the working title for Tom Daley: The Movie). The storyline isn’t exactly coherent, and the accompanying direct-to-video movie based on the album (3 Chains O’ Gold) does absolutely nothing to clarify anything (and that's probably the most positive review you will find of the movie)…but when it’s good, it’s good (as much as I detest Eye Wanna Melt Wit U), I love The Morning Papers and 7. My Name Is Prince seems embarrassing to begin with, but the more I hear it, the more I see it as a parody of the hip hop that was breaking through at the time. He weirdly seems to evoke Queen on 3 Chains O' Gold.

Stand-out tracks: My Name Is Prince, Sexy MF, Love 2 The 9s, Morning Papers, 7, 3 Chains O’ Gold


11. Ice Cream Castle (The Time) [1984]

The Time’s final album in their original incarnation (well…I say that, but Jam & Lewis had already been fired at this point…although they did become the most sought after R&B producers in the world soon after, so I doubt they cared). The ones from Purple Rain are on it. Need I say more?

Stand-out tracks: Ice Cream Castles, Jungle Love, The Bird


10. The Family (The Family) [1985]

The album with the original Nothing Compares 2 U on it (no, it wasn’t a b-side). The Family were formed after The Time split up from what was left of them, Prince’s on tour sax player and his girlfriend/guitarists’ sister. Oh, well…at least MOST of them were there for their talent. It’s an odd little album stylisticly; new wave, funk, pop, balladry, jazz-fusion. But definitely one of his strongest protégés. The main track of note is the aforementioned Nothing Compares 2 U, which many people assume was a rare b-side or written for Sinead O’ Connor. Not true. It appeared in very basic form here first.

Stand-out tracks: Screams of Passion, Mutiny, Nothing Compares 2 U


9. Jill Jones (Jill Jones) [1987]

A protégé album that actually has a lot of input from the artist herself for a change. Busy year for Prince, where nearly everything he did was golden. This is just more proof of that. The waitress from Purple Rain actually made a decent record. Who’d have thunk? No-one who saw her acting, that's for sure.


Stand-out tracks: Mia Bocca, All Day All Night


8. 1999 (Prince) [1982]

A dance album, above all else. This was his real breakthrough commercially. Listening to the albums that surround it, it sometimes takes you a tad aback when you hear the electroness of it all. Let’s Pretend We’re Married, Something In The Water (Does Not Compute), Automatic. The synths are all very 80s, but it hasn’t aged all that badly for a lil’ bit of Dance Music Sex Romance. Little Record Corvette is my favourite song. I have no reason to make that up.

Stand-out tracks: 1999, Little Red Corvette, Delirious, DMSR, Automatic


7. What Time Is It? (The Time) [1982]

The Time’s second album is WAY superior to their debut. Funky as hell, and this time around, Morris Day has his persona down to a T. So even the ballad (Gigolos Get Lonely Too) makes use of his ironic charm. Funnily enough, Morris’ satire on the stereotypical misogynist “player” seems more relevant today than it did then.

Stand-out tracks: Wild & Loose, 777-9311, Gigolos Get Lonely Too


6. Parade (Prince & The Revolution) [1986]

The soundtrack to a movie called Under The Cherry Moon. The album was good. The movie was not. In fact, it’s difficult to decide on the worst aspect of the movie. Prince decided (unwisely) to direct himself. As well as star. As well as compose the music. As well as write the screenplay. Yeah, he stretched himself a little thin. Hence, why the movie sucks arse (and not in a good way). The music in it is pretty good, though. Shame it’s relegated to the background. Prince’s next movie would be even worse. Can you imagine?

Stand-out tracks: Girls & Boys, Life Can Be So Nice, Mountains, Kiss, Anotherloverholenyohead, Sometimes It Snows In April


5. 3121 (Prince) [2006]

Prince’s first US #1 album since the Batman soundtrack in 1989. He really found his mojo again with this one. He actually sounds inspired again. Title track is a weird, very Prince-like party jam, Black Sweat is possibly the most comfortably modern he has sounded in years. It’s a relief, after the tiresome Musicology and the preachy Rainbow Children that he’s still able to get his Prince on.

Stand-out tracks: 3121, Lolita, Black Sweat, Love, Satisfied, Fury, Beautiful Loved & Blessed, Get On The Boat



4. The Gold Experience (O(+>) [1995]

His best album of the 90s by far, and the first released under that unpronounceable symbol. The only really major hit on the album was The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, which appears in slightly different form here. Endorphinmachine rocks, Shhh is sexy, Dolphin is catchy in the weirdest way possible and Gold is probably his Purple Rain of the symbol era.

Stand-out tracks: Endorphinmachine, Shhh, We March, The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Dolphin, Gold


3. Dirty Mind (Prince) [1980]

He was playful and coy on his first two albums. On his third, he said “Morning, noon and night I’ll give you head”, “I don’t wanna hurt you, baby, I only wanna lay you down”, did it all night, had a threesome and confessed to (I hope, fictional) incest. The demo-like quality of the songs shows that often less is more. And if you’re gonna write a song about incest, you might as well make it catchy; “ooooohh, Sister…”

Stand-out tracks: Dirty Mind, When You Were Mine, Uptown, Head, Do It All Night


2. Purple Rain (Prince & The Revolution) [1984]

The big one. Probably the only truly calculated album of his career. When they started work on the album, a soundtrack to the corresponding movie, Prince had over 100 songs written and ready to go. However Take Me With U, When Doves Cry and Purple Rain itself didn’t even exist at that point.

Stand-out tracks: Probably the whole thing


1. Sign “O” The Times (Prince) [1987]

Purple Rain may be his commercial behemoth, but I don’t think many would argue that this is artistic magnum opus. A double album, largely recorded on his own, it features probably every shade of Prince. If you reach the end of it, and didn’t like any of it…then you don’t like Prince, simple as. It’s a lot to take at once…but, damn, is it glorious. Check out the concert movie too.

Stand-out tracks: Sign “O” The Times, Housequake, Starfish & Coffee, Forever In My Life, U Got The Look, If I Was Your Girlfriend, I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man, Adore





...and there you have it. If you disagree, I don't care.